Friday, January 13, 2017

Dear mom, again.

Dear mom,
I had to do everything for college by myself. Every scholarship attempt every application, everything. The fafsa I did by myself, the interview, I did by myself. I drove to the town for the orientation, by myself. Do you know how painful that was? I had no support from you at all. Until Grandma and Grandpa stepped in and helped me I had no support at all. Nothing. Not once have you helped in college. You always sent someone else to come get me from the town for breaks. You didn't once care about it.
Now my sister is getting ready for college, applying for colleges and scholarships and the Fafsa. You did it for her. You helped her apply for the colleges, you helped her with the scholarships. You did her Fafsa for her when I could barely get your time of day to get your information. She just got a chance at a full ride scholarship at my college and you are doing everything to help her again. She goes for an interview on the third of February. Guess who is going with her? I had to go there. by. my. self. I understand different kids need different help but why?
Why couldn't I get your help even once? Why wouldn't you be proud of me? Why am I the fuck up? All I've ever done is worked my ass off to keep you happy. And you don't care. I don't even know why it surprises me anymore .I don't know why it hurts still. You wont ever care. You never have. So, dear mom, I am moving to Japan in the near foreseeable future, and I don't see you in my future after I move there. We will never speak again.
Sincerely,
The child you say you wanted but you didn't. 

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